How's Your Love Life?

by Pastor Mitch Horton | June 2000

As a whole, we Christians haven't done very well in evangelizing our nation. We live in "post-Christian" America. I cringe when I hear someone say that ours is a Christian nation, for Christianity is no longer the foundation of our legal and political systems; neither is it the standard for our convictions as a society.

We say we're longing for revival in America, but what do we really mean? There's a church on almost every corner in both large and small town USA. We have more "churchianity" than perhaps any nation on earth. So why have we lost our evangelism? Why are we in such deep spiritual need? And why is there such cynicism towards Christian these days?

I believe it's because people haven't seen the true gospel manifest in believer's lives. Jesus said,"Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16) Our light has often been hidden.

When people look at us, what kind of light do we emit that defines "Christian in their minds? God is light! We are to let our light shine!&nabs Is our light our church attendance? Our knowledge of Scripture? Perhaps our volunteer efforts? Many equate these things to being a Christian. Yes, being faithful in a local church, volunteering our time in various ways to help others, and having a good working knowledge of the Word are all vital and important. But these good works will not draw people to Jesus and consequently change our culture and its views of Christianity!

Love is the light in us that should capture the eyes of an unbelieving world before it see anything else. Notice what Jesus said in John 13:34-35, "A new commandment I give you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

When we talk about love, we need to define our terms. We used the word "love" to describe our relationship to everything from peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to our families, and even our pets! You may say, "well, I know I'm obeying Jesus' commandment to love!" But what kind of love do you show in your daily life?

Jesus coined a new term for love when He gave His disciples this commandment in John 13. The Greek word for the love that should be evident to all is AGAPE. I will discuss this this type of love a little later.

In the Greek language, there are actually four words that describe that various aspects of love generally encountered in life. The second word for love in the Greek language is PHILEO. Phileo is a "friendship" love, a love that's reciprocated. We demonstrate Phileo love when we enjoy relationships with those who are like us. Our friends have interests similar to ours and qualities in their lives that we enjoy. Phileo is really a love based on receiving the pleasure that another gives us.&nabs When this love is not pleased, it can quickly turn away.

The third word for love in the Greek language is STORAGE. It is affectionate love, the love that produces feelings. Certainly we should expect to experience it in our marriage relationships. It is often displayed by holding hands, hugging, or kissing. We may feel storge when we see a close friend's baby, or when we meet an elderly person who has been a family friend since childhood. Again, this is love that is based on pleasure received from knowing someone.

The fourth Greek word for love is EROS. Eros is the sexual attraction that is placed within us by the hand of our Creator. It's a normal part of being human. In our culture, sin and selfishness have perverted eros to the point that Hollywood portrays it as the most important love available to man. How foolish! Of the four loves we experience, it's really the least in rank. Eros is based solely on sensual gratification. Countless marriages end in ruins because they were precluded by sexual experiences prior to commitment.

Each of the three loves we have mentioned, phileo, storge, and eros, is self - pleasing and can emerge as completely selfish unless Jesus rules our lives! Friendship can get out of hand and become demanding or manipulative. Storge, when unsatisfied or disappointed, may turn to anger, hurt or even bitterness. Eros can destroy lives when mixed with pride or lack of control.

Agape is the love that can make live heaven on earth. Our world desperately need the opportunity to observe Christians demonstrating agape in their daily walk. So let's discuss agape for a moment.

Agape is an unconditional, self-sacrificial love. It is never dependent on any characteristic of the one being loved. Instead, it is totally dependent on the one doing the loving.

Notice first of all that it is unconditional. There are absolutely no conditions attached to it. It is not based on what we think, feel, or desire. It is not affected by any outward circumstance. And it is never determined by the responses of another person. This love has its foundation in the character of God, Who is totally impartial and loves everyone equally, regardless of his response or lack thereof.

Jesus died for the ungodly. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) "For God so loved the world..." was true before we ever responded to His love. God's love is established on His character, not our response. God's love in us acts exactly the same way. It loves the unlovely and the unlovable!

Notice also that agape is a self-sacrificial love. It puts anothers interests, needs, and desires above its own. A person demonstrating agape love always has in view how his actions and choices will affect others.

I John 3:1 reads, "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called the children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him." Kenneth Wuest, in his book, Word Studies in the Greek New Testament (1), says that the phrase "what manner of" can be translated as, "'from what country, race, or tribe, from what far realm, what unearthly, or how other wordly' is this love that the Father has bestowed on us....."

If we have a love that comes from another planet, then we need to act like people from a different planet! Kenneth Wuest went on to say, "The foreign kind of love produced in us by the Holy Spirit constitutes us a different kind of person to the people of this world, and since they do not understand foreigners, people of a different race from themselves, they simply do not understand Christians. Children of God could just as well have come to earth from a strange planet so far as the people of this world are concerned. They are strangers to them.(2)

This kind of love that Jesus mentioned in Matthew 5:43-44, You have heard it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'(44) But I say to you, 'Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." "

Obviously, Jesus is not talking about a love based on feelings. How unlikely that anyone could ever have a great feeling of love for his enemies! Rather, this is a love based on actions and choices that grew out of obedience to God. In the verses following, Jesus said that if we only show love to our friends, we are behaving just like unbelievers.

Jesus also foretold that in the days just before His second coming, the love of many would grow cold. (Matthew 24:12) Today, people are more cynical than ever. We believers have a tremendous opportunity to show an increasingly selfish world a new kind of love that will not grow cold.

The frequent theme of the New Testament is to love with this unearthly love. Romans 13:8 reads, "Eagerly pursue and seek to acquire this love, make it your great aim, your great quest." According to Galatians 5:13, through love we are to serve one another. We are to "speak the truth in love" so that we can grow spiritually. We also edify the body of Christ through love (Ephesians 4:15-16), and we are commanded to be imitators of God and to walk in love. (Ephesians 5:1)

Paul prayed that the love of the church would "abound more and more in knowledge, and in all discernment." (Philippians 1:9) He admonished the church to "have the same love", and to "be of one accord, and of one mind." (Philippians 2:2) We are encouraged in Colossians 3:14 to "put on love, which is the bond of perfectness." And in 2 Thessalonians 1:3, he praised the believers because "the love of every one of you all abounds towards each other."

Peter reminded the church to "have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins" (I Peter 4:8), and the beloved apostle John encouraged the church to "love one another, in deed and in truth." (See 1 John 3:14-18)

There is no spiritual growth apart from the development of agape love. When we are born again, this love is placed in our human spirits by the Holy Spirit. Because this agape love is the first spiritual fruit to manifesting us, our spiritual progress is directly connected to an increase in this "other wordly" love. We may grow in knowledge of God's word, and in our faithfulness to church activities, but true spiritual maturity is only seen in our reflecting His love nature to others!

Growth in agape love is not easy. It takes a decision followed by daily deliberate action to allow this new kind of love to begin ruling our conduct. Our natural, unrenewed mind doesn't think the love way! Our emotions don't naturally feel this agape love. That's why we must daily work to develop it.

I'll end this teaching with a rendering of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 compiled from several translations of scripture. It describes in detail the attributes of agape love. I encourage you to read it often (daily)! Make a decision now to obey Jesus your Lord, and let His love be the first thing that others see in you!

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (Various Translations)

Let me describe love. It is slow to lose patience; love stays in difficult relationships with kindness, and it always looks for ways to be constructive. There is no envy in love; it is not possessive and never boils over with jealously. Love makes no parade of itself; it never boasts, nor does it puff up with pride. Love is never arrogant and never puts itself on display, because it is neither anxious to impress, nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. Love never gets irritated and is never resentful.

Love holds no grudges, and it keeps no record of evil done to it. Love refuses to be provoked and never harbors evil thoughts.

Love is not rude or grasping or overly sensitive, nor does love search for imperfections and faults in others. Love does not compile statistics of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails. Love celebrates what is real, not what is perverse or incomplete.

Love never does the graceless thing. Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. Love never insists on its own rights, never irritably loses its temper, and never nurses its wrath to keep it warm. Love is not touchy.

Love can stand any kind of treatment, because there are no limits to its endurance, nor end to its trust. Love bears up under anything; it perseveres in all circumstances. Love's first instinct is to believe in people. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best in him, and always stand your ground in defending him. Love never regards anyone or anything as hopeless. Love keeps up hope in everything, and love's hope never fades.

Love keeps on keeping on; it trusts God in every situation and expects God to act in all circumstances. Love goes on forever. Nothing can destroy love. Nothing can happen that can break love's spirit; in fact, it is the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen.

1. Kenneth Wuest, Word Studies in the Greek New Testament, Volume 2, In These Last Days (Grnad Rapids, Michigan: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1973), p. 142.

2. ibid.,p. 143